May 19, 2009


Four little rabbits live under a big oak tree. The rabbits names are Elsie, Fern, Thumper, and Pookie. One sunny day, Pookie woke up very excited. "I'm sure today's a special day but I can't remember why." The other bunnies looked at each other and smiled. They knew what day it was, but they didn't want to tell Pookie, not yet anyway. "Pookie," called Fern. Can you pick up some packages from Mrs. Frog, Mr. Hare, Mrs. Mouse, and Mrs.Bumble. "I'd love to." Pookie said.

Pookie was walking over a bridge when Mrs. Frog hopped up and gave him a package. Then as Pookie was running through the field he heard rustling in the grass and Mrs. Mouse ran into the clearing and handed him a round object rapped in a leaf. As Mr. Hare,and finally Mrs. Bumble. When Pookie got home the house was dark then all of a sudden the lights flicked on and everyone yelled surprise! Pookie was startled there was Elsie, Fern Thumper, Mrs. Bumble, Mrs. Frog, Mr. Squirrel, then Mrs. Mouse. It was Pookie's birthday!! Pookie had a wonderful time opening presents, eating cake, but most of all being with his friends.


  1. Peanut,

    This is a very good start to a wonderful story. I like how you used names from your real life, such as Pookie, and Elsie (from a story you have read).

    There are some grammatical errors. For example, you forgot the quotation marks around Pookie's first statement. Also, there is a place or two where you ought to have use a semi colon (;) instead of a comma. But there were no spelling errors! Very good.

    Maybe you would like to deepen the story more, by adding some details about the packages that Pookie picks up. That would make this story even more exciting.

    Another thing you might like to do to make the story more complete would be to explain more about the party. Tell us more about the atmosphere, the food, the people and Pookie's enjoyment of it.

    I really liked reading your story and I hope to read some more soon!


  2. thank you for your help.


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